when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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