This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
