I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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