coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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