i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
