I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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