it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
