She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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