New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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