Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
