I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
