i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
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I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
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hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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