Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Slut skills are useful in every country.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
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