Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
