please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize