i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
