Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
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I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
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sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
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