Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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