ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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