The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
