I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
