Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
