Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
My hand turned me down
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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