remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
