If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
