so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
