well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize
