Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
