we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
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