I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I met the friendliest cop last night
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
