It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
