Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
