Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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