we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
