My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Randomize
