theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
