My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
