chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
