That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Randomize
