That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
