Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
