I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
