I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
So much Jack, so little girl.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
