You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Randomize
