I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
