I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
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