Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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