she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
