Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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