DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
