You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
