Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I have fence marks all over my body
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
