Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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