nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
