My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
