It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
The best revenge is premature balding
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
