Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Randomize
