I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
