she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
