Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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