...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
