Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
