Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
