i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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