could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
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i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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