I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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