There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
