So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
