It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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