idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
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It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
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Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
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All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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