You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
