Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
